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So the second season of 13 Reasons Why has started now and it’s a fight in court between the school and the parents, on who caused Hannah to take her own life. I love this series because it tackles many issues that are still dismissed despite being more relevant than ever
Hannah took her own life for all the 13 reasons she discusses in her tapes. And thats just what she could articulate into words. What people should understand about mental illness is – everyone is different and all is complex. Actions of others have a butterfly effect and the smallest of things can have the biggest impact on an individual. You could argue that if Hannah had ONE person that tried to understand and listen to her she may have lived. On the other hand you could say, she was too far gone, her mind was already made up and no matter who gave her enough time of day – she would have inevitably took her own life.
I believe it takes one person to save you – to bring you back, to keep you going. Mine was my mum. When I was truly depressed and alone after finishing uni, she was there. Having suffered from depression the majority of her life, she understood. She knew that it didn’t matter how pretty and perfect others may perceive you as, there could still be immense pain and pressure. Pressure to carry on, pressure to live even the most mediocre style of life. I know that if anything happens to her now, I would do it. There is no way I could go on with my life without her. Not right now. Not when I couldn’t get the chance to show her the world she’s missed out on due to her own years of a mental and physical illness. When I was really low, on a day I knew she was, I begged her we do it together, that we overdose. Thats when she knew I was truly crying for help and she demanded treatment for my condition. I am on the road to getting better, with new hormone replacement therapy and a doctor that is listening to me for the first time. I’m starting to feel alive again. I’m no longer dwelling on what I don’t have and I’m focusing on what I have right now. Sometimes all you need is a little hope. It also helped the I was terrified of waking up in Barnsley hospital having failed my attempt, not to mention my phobia of my own sick and blood.
Mum couldn’t bare to see me take the route she took in life, so she acted fast and in turn- along with a very understanding endocrinologist (young may I add) they saved me. My sister – a tough mum of 5 unknowingly reminded us both of the future of our family, and the importance of resilience. My boyfriend Jim, he helped when he started to understand how bad I was, although he made it worse at times, partly because of his own pain, some of which I caused due to my pain. A vicious cycle of a circle. He would have been one of my 13 reasons, along with one absent rent and a whole group of old and new friends that have betrayed me and broken my heart one step at a time. I’ve been labelled me as crazy, a slut, an horrible person, one stated I bad work ethic – when she had no idea how I worked. A knock on effect of those words had a significant impact on my already mental brain – in a time lapse of repeated criticism, swilling around intoxicating it with poisonoius energy. Gradually making it worse.
We may never be able to understand what someone is going through but we can start to help and be there by sharing our own stories. Our own struggles, with mental and physical illnesses. We can listen and look – take a break from our screens and share a physical connection. A hug, a pat and few kind words can make all the difference.
It doesn’t matter how fortunate someone may see you as, as we all should know by now, it’s not about status, money or how happy we may seem – Robin Williams is proof of that. It’s about the ever so complex and clever organ we have in our skulls. It’s about time we talk, share and reveal whats really going on in that brain of ours. Lets start by breaking the taboo that suffocates society everyday.
Lets make social media a place for realism not just escapism.
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