It’s #worldmentalhealthday so……. A very short post that I have copied from my Insta
This time last year I would never have comprehended that I’d be here today – physically and mentally. I couldn’t envision my future, I pushed everyone away, I craved to be the girl that I use to be. I’d wish that I could love my boyfriend again like I used to. But all I felt was pain and hate. I hated the world and all the people in it. Mainly myself. I couldn’t think about a year later because I couldn’t bare to think about the next hour. I didn’t touch my magazine, I didn’t communicate to anyone properly. Friends that I thought would be there weren’t. It’s funny how, when you are powerless no one wants to know you. No one seems to care. My mum cared, she saved me from myself. After I started to open up, I had 2 friends who I’d talk to for hours (you know who you are) ❣️ quality is much better than quantity .
On my first endocrinologist appointment, I threatened the newly graduated doctor, I threatened him, his boss and the whole ward! I can’t even type what I said because the post would be removed for sure. I wanted to cause mass destruction on the whole hospital! I felt helpless and the little part inside that wanted to get help was on the last straw. After 9 months of hormone therapy and finally being listened to along with recent months of a good exercise – I am starting to be better than my old self; better than the girl I craved to be last year. .
I understand the world in a completely different light now. Everyday is a fight still: to maintain and focus, my moods still fluctuate somewhat. But I haven’t had any suicidal thoughts since January and that to me is truly amazing. Actual progress. If anyone who reads this is suffering, reach out to me, sometimes all you need is to have someone who will listen and understand ❤️